"Good morning, Joe!"
Like always, father shouts good morning to him. When he is in a good mood, he replies, 'good morning Fa'!, but today was not the mood. He quickly past his father and grabbed a tuna sandwich on a table. While he crammed the sandwich into his mouth, he thought about past two days of nightmare. Since two days ago, he had to work on a computer programming project without any rest. It is all because of Tim. How can he just go back to his country on a week before final project? His final project is making a program for designing clothes in a pair. And his partner Tim left a campus saying that tomorrow's his mother's birthday! If they had worked together, the project would take less than three days. But as he had to work by himself, it would take about 4 days. And about two and a half days ago, Joe found out that Tim left. As soon as Joe heard that Tim left, he has worked on the project, but he could not finish it. And the due date is tomorrow. Ha! If Tim comes back, I am going to punch his face.
"What's the matter Joe?"
While Joe was thinking about several ways to torture Tim, Joe's sister woke him up.
"Nothing."
He finished his breakfast with a cup of milk and went back to his room. This time he really need to get a good grade, in order to earn a scholar ship. Yes. Right now let's only think about completing the program. It's not too late to think about how to tease Tim after I turn in the program. After a deep breath, Joe was again in the program.
Hey! It's unique that you added dialogue in your story because it makes it more interesting. I noticed a few grammar mistakes and past/present tense shifts in you paragraph, which could be fixed for next time. Other than that, the story was pretty easy to follow and it was original. I liked how you added some comedy too, like "Ha! If Tim comes back, I am going to punch his face." :) - Mady
Sun Young Nice story outline. I love the scenario, Eunice! The fact that I don't know who is the narrator is good, because that's actually the main point of this "stream of consciousness" writing. Also, I like the way the story was kind of everywhere, where the story was not in order (as in time), such as you talked about things in the past later, instead of talking about it in the beginning. Yet, if I have to say a weakness that I have found in this story is that I cannot correlate with your idea of father and son with the son getting angry with Tim and is busy with the project. Perhaps, if you did correlate more somehow by developing further on those parts, then the story would have been better. Otherwise, it was great :)
Sally - Nice paragraph~! I really like how you put in dialogue. And you did it really well too. I love how you actually used the confusing back and forth style that the moderns used. Everything is great except for a few grammatical errors and your last paragraph. His emotions shift without any transition. Maybe that was on purpose, but I think it's a little confusing.
Like always, father shouts good morning to him. When he is in a good mood, he replies, 'good morning Fa'!, but today was not the mood. He quickly past his father and grabbed a tuna sandwich on a table. While he crammed the sandwich into his mouth, he thought about past two days of nightmare. Since two days ago, he had to work on a computer programming project without any rest. It is all because of Tim. How can he just go back to his country on a week before final project? His final project is making a program for designing clothes in a pair. And his partner Tim left a campus saying that tomorrow's his mother's birthday! If they had worked together, the project would take less than three days. But as he had to work by himself, it would take about 4 days. And about two and a half days ago, Joe found out that Tim left. As soon as Joe heard that Tim left, he has worked on the project, but he could not finish it. And the due date is tomorrow. Ha! If Tim comes back, I am going to punch his face.
"What's the matter Joe?"
While Joe was thinking about several ways to torture Tim, Joe's sister woke him up.
"Nothing."
He finished his breakfast with a cup of milk and went back to his room. This time he really need to get a good grade, in order to earn a scholar ship. Yes. Right now let's only think about completing the program. It's not too late to think about how to tease Tim after I turn in the program. After a deep breath, Joe was again in the program.
Hey! It's unique that you added dialogue in your story because it makes it more interesting. I noticed a few grammar mistakes and past/present tense shifts in you paragraph, which could be fixed for next time. Other than that, the story was pretty easy to follow and it was original. I liked how you added some comedy too, like "Ha! If Tim comes back, I am going to punch his face." :) - Mady
Sun Young
Nice story outline. I love the scenario, Eunice! The fact that I don't know who is the narrator is good, because that's actually the main point of this "stream of consciousness" writing. Also, I like the way the story was kind of everywhere, where the story was not in order (as in time), such as you talked about things in the past later, instead of talking about it in the beginning. Yet, if I have to say a weakness that I have found in this story is that I cannot correlate with your idea of father and son with the son getting angry with Tim and is busy with the project. Perhaps, if you did correlate more somehow by developing further on those parts, then the story would have been better. Otherwise, it was great :)
Sally - Nice paragraph~! I really like how you put in dialogue. And you did it really well too. I love how you actually used the confusing back and forth style that the moderns used. Everything is great except for a few grammatical errors and your last paragraph. His emotions shift without any transition. Maybe that was on purpose, but I think it's a little confusing.